You’re Delusional

If I told you a story, how likely are you to believe it? Lets find out.

There is a perfect being. We know she is perfect because there are texts about her, in fact this document is about her. Go figure. Her perfection is very clear by the facts that she enjoys Mexican food, a nice cold rum & Coke, long walks on the beach, sleazy slasher films, and listening to Reverend Bizarre while cuddling. Cuddling in this case implies fucking. A perfect woman as we can all agree upon. Since she is perfect she never ages, she is perpetually somewhere in her mid-30s. Aged to perfection like the bottle of expensive wine no man but the richest could ever taste.

One day, in her absolute perfection she decided to make the universe. First the stars then the Earth. It only took her a couple of days. You know, the thing which could not be measured by anything but by which she just invented. How she knew it was days? Well, perfection of course. Then she made man, a being even dumber than the mud and piss he was crafted from. Then she made beasts, which man named Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. Man got bored of hunting for Breakfast and requested that the perfect mid-30s lady made someone to do it for him. “Eve” they called her.

Perfect-mid-30s-galaxy-lady decided to make some fruit, and demanded that noone ate them for she intended to make some apple pie when they were ripened. Then she threw a snake out of her living quarters because the snake was quite the smooth talker and she wasn’t having any of it.

Snakey talked to “Eve” and asked her how the apples were. “Eve” being the second biggest moron to ever exist (Ayn Rand being the first) decides to eat one knowing that Perfect-mid-30s-galaxy-lady-who-likes-slasher-flicks said not to do it. “Eve” made a mistake that would cost generations to come almost everything, for there will no longer be apple pie, and this makes the Perfect-galaxy-lady upset for a long time.

This story sounds absolutely absurd, doesn’t it? Of course it does. Any sane rational person would agree that this story is impossible. First of all, snakes don’t talk. Secondly, mid 30s? No. The perfect woman would be in her late 20s. How about making the stars and measuring night and day with no means to do so? Sounds pretty impossible to me too. Any rational being knows that day and night are measured by where the Earth is located in coordination with the sun. Lastly, why would a perfect being be mad for generations to come over someone eating a fruit? That would tell you that the “perfect” being is irrational and holds grudges for no reason. Consider the following, if my great grandmother took your wallet, would you blame me for that? If you would, you are being irrational. I have no known connection to the crime with the reported information. The same applies here. Would you consider a being who would hold such a grudge to be a sane rational thinker? I know I wouldn’t.

The scariest part of all? Many people would, and do. They believe in a story that parallels this. They’re called Christians and Jews. If you are either a Christian or a Jew you have irrational beliefs and I urge you to reconsider them.